Happy Labor Day to all! As I sit in the family room at my mother's home watching the sunrise over the lake I am reminded that the world is a beautiful place. This week I have been struggling with the challenges that naturally come from deciding to hire someone to deliver a baby for you. Truly, it has been a week where the emotional pain of realizing that I cannot carry a child of my own, on my own, has been a bit too overwhelming.
Saturday I spent the good part of the morning have a delightful time cooking homemade lentil burgers and salmon patties. I put everything except the kitchen sink in those things - carrots, zucchini, sundried tomatoes, fresh herbs, and more. In the end I think I made over 45 burgers/patties. Then, I made a fresh broccoli salad with craisins and slivered almonds. Talk about a full fridge! It dawned on me, while wearing my apron and humming to music in the background, that I am pouring loads of love into my food so that my body, and family, can be healthy, strong, and ready for action/adventure. Then, a horrible thought, actually, a few thoughts, flooded my mind regarding my potential birth mother's Saturday. Wonder what someone in that condition might be doing on her weekend? Questions keep flooding my mind:
"What if the birth mother really does take drugs during her pregnancy?"
"I bet a birth mother is probably not cooking up a storm of solid, organic foods over a few hours on a Saturday. Wonder what that will do for the baby?"
To spare you I decided not to write up my entire list because frankly I will have no control over what she does or does not do with her body and during birth. It has become a very freaky experience and in some ways making me fret the whole process. Even now I am researching egg and sperm donors to see if I can carry a child, even if I do not have the joy of giving it some of my genetics. At least it will be raised in a house that has amazing food!
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